It’s a funny thing, this getting older lark. One glance at a shelf in any card shop is enough to let you know that we’re supposed to be collectively terrified of it, and yes, I do my fair share of ‘Can you believe how close we’re getting to thirty? So scary’ – but at the same time, I’m really enjoying what’s happening as the years pass by.
This weekend I was catching up with one of my housemates from university, discussing a recent trip she took alone. We spoke about how our outlook on life and on ourselves as women in our late twenties (rather than the 18 year olds we’d been when we first met) affected experiences like this. It was then that we touched upon something that I’ve become more and more aware of in recent years, and I think it’s one of my favourite things about growing older; getting to know yourself. Getting to grips with my whole, true self rather than claiming to be what I or anyone else thinks I should has made me feel empowered in so many aspects of life.
When I was younger I was unsure of pretty much all things, but none more so than myself. Who I was, what I wanted, what I was supposed to be doing with my life – it was all a mystery, and one I had no idea how to solve, so I went for the tried and tested method of just doing the things that I thought other people either did or wanted me to do, and hoping for the best. It’s probably something we all did to varying degrees, and this same tactic in a number of different guises was one I employed for many years of adolescence and young adulthood (I’m still here now, so it obviously went okay, but I’m also a bit of an idiot so who knows).
As I’ve passed through my mid twenties though, this has started to change. I can actually feel that I’m becoming more assured with who I am and what I want with every month and year that goes by, and having talked about it at the weekend I’m having a moment of appreciation for what it’s brought me so far. Getting to know ourselves is both a very wonderful feeling and a journey we should embrace – sort of like cultivating a relationship with someone you really like who also really likes you, in a way, but even better because you get to be both parts and you don’t have to decide whose parents to go to for Christmas dinner.
In many ways the development of the relationship (shall we leave this metaphor here? It could get creepy if we try to take it further…) happens naturally as time passes, and in others we need to cultivate it ourselves – we have to be willing to explore the person we are, work on letting the best parts of them shine, accept the things we’ve seen as weaknesses, and let the more unfiltered version of ourselves come out in the person the world sees too. It’s one of those ‘easier said than done’ things sometimes, but the effect is liberating and empowering. Getting to know yourself allows you to be selfish, to be kind, to be brave, to be honest, and to become more adept at letting go of the things that you can’t be bothered to care about anymore.
The older I get, the less emphasis I place on what other people think. I’m slowly getting to grips with my own values, beliefs, passions and priorities, and I’ve become both more aware of all the little things that make me who I am and more appreciative of them. I’m far from being sussed and I still have my fair share of uncertainty, of course, but this is something I’ve become more accepting of too. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up yet, and I don’t know what house I’m going to live in, and dear god don’t go asking me about a 10 year plan, but I understand some of the things that truly makes me happy, and perhaps more importantly for now, what does not.
And it is this that makes me a different person than I was at 18, at 21, at 24, to the one I am now. I can literally feel myself changing, but not into someone else – into myself. It took me by surprise at first, but I’ve found that I’ve started to like the person I am more, too.
And the best thing is yet to come, I think – I’m the grand old age of 27, after all. To some that might make me a crusty old relic and to others it might make me a young whippersnapper. In fact, I imagine that if I were to read this when I’m 45 (hi, 45 year old Soph, if you are indeed reading), I’ll think ‘what is she on about thinking she knows herself, she barely knows her own name yet’. It may well be true; there’s more to come, I know, and that’s a really exciting prospect. So while I might not know everything, here are some things about myself that I absolutely do know;
I know that travel is one of the things that I find most fulfilling. I know that I both love and need time alone. I know that I can flourish when I step out of my comfort zone. I know that I don’t fucking like drum and bass music and I’m not going to pretend to. I know that an evening of sitting in someone’s living room reminiscing with my oldest friends can be the best evening in ages, and so can an unexpected night out. I know that when I want to go home from said night out then I bloody well will. I know that I still have no idea what I’m doing at times and that that’s okay. And, because I haven’t even mentioned the outfit yet, I know that I can wear a damn baker boy hat even when I think I might possibly look a bit ridiculous, because the only person who needs to approve of my appearance is me.
Jacket – Primark | Hat – H&M | Top – New Look | Jeans – New Look | Boots – River Island | Bag – Parfois | Fishnet socks – New Look
Photos: Rob Poor
Sophar So Good 
wow such interesting thoughts on change!
Isabelle x
Instagram: isabelle.izzy_
Twitter @izzy_elli
Blog: http://www.isabelleelli.blogspot.com
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I completely agree with all of this! I’ve never been afraid of getting older, and I think it’s mostly because I’ve always seen my parents enjoy life to the fullest no matter what age they have been. I would never go back to being an insecure teenager, or even to those years during my early twenties when I just didn’t believe in myself at all. It’s so much nicer to know your own worth and just be yourself. And also, very importantly, to not be embarrassed to admit that I really do just enjoy listening to all sorts of music – including the cheesy stuff and ALL of the girl bands… Coolness is overrated anyway! xx
Laura // Middle of Adventure
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Sophie I bloody love this post!! I can relate so much on not knowing who I was or what I wanted growing up, but now I’m starting to care less what other people think and it’s just the best feeling getting to know yourself isn’t it? I definitely no longer pretend to like music that I hate!
heart-autumn.co.uk
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Soph, my bloody fave post of yours yet. 👌🏼 Absolutely spot on and can I just say you look great in that baker hat too. xx
http://www.natalieleanne.com
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“I can literally feel myself changing, but not into someone else – into myself.” I love this lil’ snippet right here (loved to whole thing too, obvs!). It perfectly summarises how I feel about growth and change. Too many dismiss change as false, but like you, I think it’s exactly the opposite. Honestly, I’d be more worried if I hadn’t seen a change in my friends – especially those I’ve known since I was 16! We seem to grow increasingly more honest as we get older, and not just with other people, but ourselves too. xx
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I really REALLY enjoyed this Soph and totally agree. I feel more familiar and accepting of myself as the years pass by. I feel more unapologetic about what hits mi buttons and what I am like as a person, realising that it is ok not to be just like everybody else and it’s ok to prefer a night in with a glass o wine at 20 rather than a night drinking purple rain in Spoons >:) It is exciting that this will only continue as the years pass by. I am 24 at the mo, and I realise that I have a lot to still learn about myself… Who knows what the next few years will bring ey! LOVE the baker boy hat chick you look beautiful! Immy x
http://www.immymay.com
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“The best is yet to come.” Such a calming quote! I never take enough time to truly be alone by myself and do things simply just for me. This was a good reminder – thank you. Have a great day xx
Madison http://breakfastatmadisons.com
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I totally agree with you! As we get older, you only discover yourself even more, and really develop your sense of self. I also love the outfit you’re wearing. It’s so cute for fall.
http://sugarcoatedbears.blogspot.com/
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I am genuinely in love with that hat and the entire outfit and this post! I am excited to enter my twenties because even now I am starting to learn so much more about myself and accept the person I am growing up to be, which will hopefully be a journey I keep pursuing regardless of other people’s opinions. Thank you so much for sharing this, it was a great read:)
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I absolutely loved reading this, so many great thoughts and so many things I agree with. As I’m getting older I’m definitely starting to let go of some things more and I am definitely getting to know myself more, even if I don’t know much at all really… if that sentence even makes sense. I absolutely love your outfit too, you look great! xx
Kristy | http://www.thevioletblonde.com
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Sophie your writing is just so damn good! Seriously, SUCH a well written post! I’m definitely learning more about myself as I get older and accepting my weaknesses as part of who I am and I certainly care less what other people think of me (most of them time!). Also you definitely do not look ridiculous in a baker boy hat, you look like an absolute babe. Also I bought the denim version of that jacket today, it was a hard decision between that and this one!
Amy xx
http://www.callmeamy.co.uk
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I really love this post – so much of it is true. I have definitely learnt a lot more about myself over the past few years (I’m 27, like you), and I feel like I am a lot more confident in who I am!
Love your blog by the way – it is fab 🙂
Femenish
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I absolutely LOVED reading this. I can completely relate, in my earlier 20’s I used to dread the thought of getting older, but when I think about it I wouldn’t switch it for anything as where I am at now is still just as good – only this time you’re armed with more experience and knowledge and like you say – getting to know yourself better! Great post lovely lady xxx
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Growing up is a funny thing, isn’t it? A couple of years ago, I was talking to my mom and I said something like “The older I get…” and she laughed so hard at me because to her, I’m still a child, but I can feel myself changing and I feel like I AM older, even though I still feel young. It’s quite confusing actually.
The sentence that spoke to me the loudest is “feel myself changing, but not into someone else – into myself” – SOOOO true!!!!! I never put it in those words but I feel the EXACT same way. It feels so liberating and amazing to see that the real me is coming out and is more comfortable to step out, rather than hiding and trying to be someone I’m not.
Wonderful post sweetie, I really enjoyed that a lot!
http://www.elleisforlove.com
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Very well said, babe! I do agree that one of the best things about getting older is getting to know thy self. It doesn’t always come easy and there are still things to be figured out, sure, but as you very well put it, it’s important to start recoginizing the things that don’t make us happy in order to head towards the best version of ourselves. You totally rock this baker boy hat and look so pretty on this fall outfit! Happy hump day, Sophie
Saida | She talks Glam
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Age is a wonderful thing and really lets you be unapologetically you! I used to be such a people pleaser or adapt my personality to suit, not anymore!
Love the outfit! I tried that coat, I love it but it didn’t suit me at all – you look fab Sophie!
Jaz xoxo
http://www.thelifeofasocialbutterfly.co.uk
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Yes to alllll of the above! I’m 30, but feel so much of this.
I’m less and less looking for reassurance, beyond my wife’s because we are a v strong team of two. I trust myself, but similarly, I’m happy to let myself make mess ups if that’s whats needed, but they need to be mine.
Strangely though, as a younger me, I did have medium-long term plans etc etc, but the more I’ve grown up, the less I need them! I don’t take future planning too seriously, because where I’m at works, and I just hope I won’t make bad decisions for my future self.
The cafe I own with my wife, that we’ve had for nearly 5 years, was a total leap of faith and letting go of any should i/shouldn’t i feelings and it worked out in the best way! We have to trust ourselves!
Love this post!
Holly xx https://www.mrshollycrocker.com/
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It’s great to see people enjoying their twenties! I’m turning 24 this month and I’m in that ‘I don’t want to get older’ mode. So reading this has made me feel a lot better!
Chloe | Mojichlo
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I also care less what others think. I think that’s a general theme amongst people. It’s a fab theme too. I love that hat!
Corinne x
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Oh my goodnessssss love this post has resonated SO much with me right now! I absolutely feel the same, I’m so much happier and confident in myself the older I get. I’ve learned to not really care too much what others think; and to focus that energy on myself. There’s SO many things I wish I could tell my younger self! Amazing post lovely! ❤
Hayley xo
http://www.frockmeimfamous.com
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I struggle with caring about what others think of me, and I think I need to incorporate more of your philosophy!! I definitely think travel is a fantastic way of broadening your perspective and thus ignoring the little people, and even though you don’t need people to tell you that you look good in the baker boy hat, I’m going to tell you that you do because we can all do with a little validation from time to time 😉
Jess | daringtojess.wordpress.com
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I absolutely love this post and as someone who turns 30 next year, couldn’t agree more. Glad to have found your blog lovely 🙂 xxx
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