I’m not sure if I’m more pleased with myself that I’m actually writing this post, or annoyed with myself that I managed to do it late even though I’ve had the photos and the intention for weeks. Last month I declared a new ‘regular’ post of sorts – a monthly catch up, to be written in the middle of the month, and hopefully a means with which to anchor myself to writing even when my brain is making writing feel impossible or time is scarce.
So here I am, stuffing chocolate biscuits into my mouth – and I mean stuffing, if any of you ever saw this digestive eating frenzy I would honestly feel ashamed – and sticking to my word, albeit slightly late, with October’s catch up. You’ve been waiting for it for weeks, I’m sure.
If you read the first one of these (which is here) you’ll know that I spent the last two weeks of September on holiday, so this month primarily began with the avoidance of back to work and real life blues. This wasn’t too difficult an undertaking because such a sterling job in the office had been done while I was away (I presume that I am in fact no longer needed) and because it was actually quite nice to leap into autumn after an extended summer. How wonderful – I’ll be caught up and on track with work, life, blogging and becoming supreme ruler of the universe in no time, I thought.
Oh, Soph. You are never caught up, and you are never on track. You know this, we’ve been through it a thousand times.
And so now I find myself in the middle of October, and the most ‘caught up’ aspect of my life is the ironing pile – because after two weeks of having to see such a monstrous pile of clothes sitting there in laundry limbo, I came home at lunchtime twice this week to do it. The past two weeks have been spent working (we’re entering our busiest time of the year, so headspace in the week is about to become an alien concept), busying around catching up with people (which is lovely, of course), and trying not to be too sad that my Instagram photos no longer look like they did in Italy. The promised land of being on top of life admin continues to elude me.
Still, it’s not all bad, because what I will say is that although I continue to be my usual frantic, permanently late at replying and neverending to do list self, where I am mentally is a marked improvement on the middle of the year, during which I’m not ashamed to admit that I really struggled.
I saw a tweet (this tweet) quite a few weeks ago now that said ‘I have done nothing all summer except wait for myself to be myself again’ – it was a quote from Georgia O’Keefe, and I had a bit of a moment. The kind of moment where you think ‘Yes! That! That is it!’ and it makes so much sense that it seems the speaker has reached into your own mind. Because I was not at all myself this summer, and spent most of it wondering what on earth was going on and when I would escape the dark cloud that seemed to be following me around.
I don’t want to imply that I just needed a holiday – because it certainly wasn’t just that – but two weeks away certainly helped, and although I might not be feeling in control of everything that I want to be, I do feel somewhat more in control of myself. My outlook is getting brighter, and I’m excited for it to continue heading that way.
I am hoping that in the next few days you see that I have published a couple of posts with more summery imagery than seems appropriate for October. These are just two of the posts I shot and started writing in July, but never managed to complete, so not-myself was I feeling, but while I gave up two others I had attempted as a lost cause, I still really want to complete these ones. I’m hoping that will feel like a bit of baggage has gone, and I can get on with thinking about what I want to write about going forward.
Speaking of which; obviously the Stacey Dooley documentary did not escape me. I’m wary of any kind of grand announcement on this topic, partly because I’m a cynic who fears some of the jumping-on-the-buzzword I’ve seen is little more than a show, and partly because I’m still doing a lot of consideration on it myself. I feel sure that I’ll end up writing about something related as a result of everything I’ve been thinking about, I just don’t know what it is yet.
And with that, I think I’ll leave this here. I’d love to know how October is going for you and what you plan to do with the rest of it – hit me up in the comments. Until next time lovelies x
p.s. If I don’t tell you next month that I’ve sorted out a new phone and organised my holiday photos – two things that I don’t seem to be making any progress with at all – please all send me angry messages about what a useless, useless human I am.
What I’m wearing
Top – C/O Miss Selfridge | Jeans – Marks & Spencer | Bag – Primark | Shoes – Superga | Earrings – Primark
Photography: Robert Poor